I feel this great:
And honestly, I’ve been feeling Janet Jackson- Love will never do- great ever since I “unpacked” and got hella-real with myself on some personal areas in my life that needed (need) improving. The level of transparency required in writing that blog series was freeing.
And I feel empowered!
I don’t know if you have ever looked at yourself with straight honesty– facing your human and addressing your mess with a “let’s keep it real sis attitude” …AND NO TEARS.
Nope. No more crying in this season. (Saving tears for rites of passages and powerful-ass art…plotlines, melodies, and choreography that build to beautiful climaxes and leave me feeling blessed by story, song, and those who came before me.)
For a minute, I was feeling utterly set up by life, business, marriage, parenthood, my passion, my people, and even God! Not anymore.
Not that I feel immune to daily struggles, hard lessons, emotional difficulties, heartbreak, let downs and losses; but I do feel that time and healing after tripping, falling, and bruising myself has equipped me for the challenges to come.
I remember being in my twenties operating on a googlefied version of success; knocking on doors that were not going to open for me (doors that did not have on the other side: spirited ushers dressed in all black with white gloves on pointing me in the direction of my grandmother); spiraling into white-spaced misery and self-absorption.
I was a pressure cooker.
Blogging has allowed me to release the pinned up steam and embrace a better me…a new me, rather. It has helped me let go of anger, hard feelings, and the career demons that taunted me.
But I stretched and grew and evolved into a woman who loves being here; on healthy terms, who trusts and believes that God is creating a specific purpose in me.
I celebrate and relax in this idea.
I am calmer. Kinder. Kid-friendlier.
I am taking better care of my body and soul.
I am endeavoring to raise happy children. (I wouldn’t be surprised if when my children get older, they reflect on a time when mom didn’t seem so happy. They may even remember a shift or what they were doing, what the year was, when mom seemed to get better.)
Again, I owe much of these great feelings to “unpacking” being that my journey is an artistic, a spiritual, and a soulful one.
Oprah was the one who inspired Tyler Perry to write (keep a journal).
I ain’t Oprah, but I am telling you…once writing becomes a habit, the written evolution of you can literally transform your life. Take it from me…
‘Cause at this point in my life, I am spinning with my hands up!
Clinnesha is a writer, wife, mom, meta-artist, and social entrepreneur who feels most accountable to southern, black citizen-artists, elders, children, and families. Her work is at the intersection of arts, culture, innovation, and community.