The Things That Matter

I commented on this particular Facebook post awhile back and it popped back up in my feed today so I took it as a sign that I should expand on my thoughts a bit.

Here’s the original post:

Here’s my original comment:

I’ve been thinking about this trending topic for a little bit and as distasteful as it is to me to believe that there are men who think this, it doesn’t change the fact that they exist. If we look at this objectively, the “phenomena” of highly educated, independently high earning, self-sufficient black women in the US is a fairly new occurrence from a societal change perspective.

We as black women have always been amazingly clever but recent advancements have allowed us pathways to financial success that have not required a male partner. But societal expectations and gender roles have not kept pace with some of the other advancements and I believe that’s where these comments are springing up from.

Not all men are threatened in their sense of self-power and self-worth by highly educated, high earning black women, but plenty are and may not even fully understand why. This is a pretty deep conversation worth having because black women aren’t about to stop achieving just because there are some men who worry more about her waistline than her IQ or the balance in her 401K.


Y’all, reading this again brought back all the sadness I felt the first time I was compelled to contribute to the comments on the original post. I am very selective about jumping onto most Facebook posts because I don’t really believe that the forum allows for deep, meaningful exchanges and instead ends up polarizing many people because of how they use the forum.

But when I see Black women bleeding out on social media, particularly at the hands of Black men who choose to attack rather than protect, it takes me to a place.

There are a lot of wounded people walking around living their day to day lives. But this one thing I guarantee, the path to your healing does not require the tearing down or destruction of another solitary human being. Men cannot heal by tearing down women. Women cannot heal by tearing down men. We have to sit with ourselves and address the ugly truths within us to begin addressing the deep hurts that cause us to lash out or fill us with insecurities.

If you can’t do this work on your own, that’s alright, seek professional therapy support. But don’t jump on social media and berate another human being who is working hard to develop themselves because of a past hurt or insecurity you haven’t dealt with in your life.

Focus on what really matters. That way you can spend your time doing good instead of spewing discord and malice. Do good and if you can’t reach that bar yet at least do no harm.


Marta is an award winning filmmaker, writer and producer committed to sharing the rich and complex stories of America’s Heartland region.  Marta wears several hats as Chief Creative-in-Charge of MartaGwyn Productions, LLC as well as the Co-Founder and Senior Grant Writer of Youngblood and Associates, LLC and Chief Operations Officer of Marta Collier Educational Systems and Services, LLC.

Marta is also the founder and editor-in-chief of TheWRITEaddiction.  An online community of writers that publish creative and inspirational works daily at www.TheWriteAddiction.com.

Marta is an alumna of The Ohio State University and Tougaloo College with degrees in Sociology and English-Journalism and resides in Little Rock, Arkansas, with her husband and unconventional college sweetheart of 10 years, Terrance Youngblood.

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