I send my two younger children back to school today, and I’m a nervous wreck. For 18 months, they have been under my watchful eye. We rarely left our house, and we didn’t have many interactions with other people. All that is changing today, and while they think they are ready, their mother is certainly not.

I know that they need to be around other children to learn critical social skills. I know that in- person classes are better for them than the very lax learning environment I created at home. They need schedules and structure. I know that the teachers are better prepared to teach them what they need to know to advance. Yet, I’m nervous.

I just realized the same reasons I’ve decided to send my kids back to school, are the same reasons I should probably find a church home. I haven’t attended an in-person church service since March 2020. I know for certain, my socially awkward self needs to relearn how to be around people. I wasn’t good at it before the pandemic. I’m probably worse now.

My worship routine is all out of whack. Sometimes I watch church on Sundays. Sometimes I wait until Monday so I can fast-forward straight to the the sermon, and play it in double time. Bible study is whenever I feel like it. My giving isn’t as regular as it used to be either. I do whatever I want, whenever I feel like it.

I know I probably need a pastor like my kids need teachers, but I certainly have no desire to submit myself to church leadership any time soon.

I’m sending my babies back to school because I know that it’s best for them. I’m not yet convinced that returning to church is what’s best for me. My kids are ready. I am not. Here’s what I’m asking myself. Maybe you should think about them, too.

Questions to ponder:

How are you keeping fellowship in this time of social distance?

What do you need to relearn or unlearn as you go back into social spaces?

Who is leading you? Did you choose this person?

Pray for me and my babies as we try to figure out our new normal.