For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline (a sound mind).2 Timothy 1:7 NLT
In roughly one month, I will be giving birth to my first child. I AM TERRIFIED. Yeah, I grew up caring for younger siblings, nieces and nephews, but this baby belongs to me. I can’t talk trash about lack of parenting skills or be judgmental from the outside looking in because it will be MY PARENTING SKILLS on the chopping block. I’ve seen a lot over the years and I’ve done a lot of reflecting on my own childhood. I’ve even thought back on my aunting skills with my nieces and things I wish I could do over. I know all of that gives me inklings of parenthood, BUT I also know you can’t really be prepared for parenthood until you’re thrown into the deep in. There’s no tiptoeing from the shallow in of the pool to gradually get acclimated to rising waters. You go from 0 to Parent in an instance.
Parenthood Preparation is pretty much a bunch of hearsay and memories of experiences strung together into a concept in your brain of what you think will work best for you and your child(ren).Nastassia N. Jones, Ph.D.
I’ve felt changes in myself throughout this gestational phase, especially with regards to the way I think about certain things, but even those are still based on my views of parenthood. I’ve read books, engaged in chats in various social media groups, talked with my mom about my childhood, talked with friends who have young children, but I still feel severely ill-equipped for this new assignment. With my God guiding me, I’ve always performed when new challenges have been thrown my way, but none have ever been this life altering.
And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.Romans 8:30 NIV
At this age and all the circumstances around my conception, I am confident that it was God. I have been standing in faith for motherhood for a while now, so even in the midst of moments of fear I can trust Him by His Word. He will never leave nor forsake me, so I know that God will walk with me every step of the way.
I’m so thankful to be blessed with this moment, and I’m fervently praying that I don’t fumble this blessing. My boy’s life depends on it…it depends on me.