Fat Thor, Red Panties and Winter Soldier Arms

A Review of Falcon and The Winter Soldier by Captain Dadbod

So, I did a deep dive recently. I went online and googled “Fat Superhero,” and discovered I’m not the only one. Apparently, there is a “fat Thor.” A Demi-God with weight issues? I HAD to know more. So, I clicked the link below that and found out something very interesting.

This guy is part of a decade-long saga of twenty-plus documentaries that chronicle the life of powered peeps just like me! Plus, I just saw recent pics of Thor on Instagram shooting his latest adventure in Australia. He’s lost all the weight! It’s amazing! And, yes, I’ve already tried emailing him to find out his secret to weight loss success. He hasn’t responded yet, but I’ll let you know as soon as he does.

Frankly, I think that it is brilliant on the part of Marvel to camouflage these powered peeps as fictional characters. Fiction has always trumped documentaries at the box office. The licensing rights from toy sales alone are enough to fund multiple flicks. This brings me to the latest of Marvel’s endeavors. That of the television miniseries event.

Falcon and The Winter Soldier 

Now, just so we’re on the same page, I didn’t use the word documentaries on accident. I want to be completely clear. These ARE real people. They are ABSOLUTELY REAL. Much in the same way that I, Captain Dadbod, am real. Oh, sure, Sam and Bucky have their not-so-secret alter egos of Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan just as I have Chris Snider. But let’s not get confused about facts vs. fiction. I mean, come on. Sebastian Stan? The same letter of the first and last name. Really? That’s just lazy writing. Tell us who you really are, Clark! I mean, ahem, Sebastian.

For the record, Sam and Bucky are good guys. I like them. I’m sure that’ll bump into them one day at a conference or something. To be clear, I am speaking of Sam “The Falcon” Wilson, and James “Bucky” Barnes, aka the Winter Solder. These guys are the primary focus of the documentary and for good reason. They’re fascinating. 

Take Bucky. He’s a complex guy and a sympathetic character study. The poor dude didn’t ask to be turned into a super-assassin any more than I asked to be turned into a portly practitioner of fortysomething flab angst. But you deal with it however you can.

He goes to counseling. Me, I go to the gym. I don’t have to hide behind the armor. I wear compression underwear because it has the look I need. And, no, the red women’s panties are not a fetish! They’re the closest thing I could find to match the look I was going for. Do you know how hard it is to find men’s underwear without some stupid designer logo or name on it? I’m NOT saving the world on behalf of Calvin Klein, damn it! Not without a PAID endorsement, thank you very much.

But I digress. Bucky has real problems. He’s working to fix them. While he is fiercely protective of Steve Rogers’ legacy, he is also battling his own self-control issues, which are mirrored in the erratic and violent nature of the “new” Captain America, John Walker. Or should I say, the “pretender that would be Captain America?” This kid looks the part and looks good on paper. But, trust me, this tall, blonde cover boy is no Cap. And Bucky knows it. I get the feeling he and Johnny-boy are on a collision course in the finale. I hope it ends well.

Of course, I know what you’re thinking. Who the hell is John Walker? Why is he Captain America? Didn’t Steve Rogers hand the shield to Sam Wilson in the finale of End Game?

Yes, he did. But look folks. That’s a lot of pressure to put on somebody. Sam didn’t just pop out of one of Howard Stark’s high-tech jiffy pop makers like Steve did.

He is not a super-soldier. He’s simply a man, a fully realized superhero in the making, complete with doubts, eating disorders, weight issues, and crippling self-esteem that gets a little worse every time he steps on a scale…

I’m sorry. I lost track there for a moment. Somewhere around “doubts”, I think. Let’s back up.

Anyway, Sam doubts his own ability to live up to the legacy of Captain America. It is these very doubts that cause him to step aside, passing on the mantle as the series begins.

It is Sam’s story that calls into question the underlying issue at the heart of the series. Can the world survive without Captain America? Is anyone truly capable of succeeding him?

If he is to become “the next Cap,” Sam Wilson will have to earn that right – through training and discipline, blood sweat, and tears. Not hyped network media branding, but through the lens of a smartphone held by a random girl standing on a street corner as he steps up to stop injustice, to make her believe. To make us all believe that “Cap is back!”

Will it happen? As I am writing this, the final episode is yet to air. So, we’ll find out when it drops Friday. But, if the events of recent days are a validation, I’d say the world is ready for Sam Wilson to be the new face of Captain America.

Good luck, Sam! We’re rootin’ for ya!

Tune in to http://www.TheWRITEaddiction.com to see what pops out of Chris’s head next.

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