I had plans to launch into story writing in March but found myself too distracted. Since pregnancy, several years ago I signed up for several single mother support groups on social media. Sometimes I can’t absorb the onslaught of male bashing, of father bashing more specifically. Yes, there are some creepers in the world but weekends and holidays are particularly brutal. Three years ago I started seeing a recurring title. That of narcissist, short for narcissistic personality disorder. This term. seemed so over used, like ADD/ADHD in the 1990s. Of course I was curious.

I’m pretty sure I’m married to one. Out of respect, I don’t advertise it or blame this diagnosis on all my marital woes. My husband is not physically abusive and I’m far from a simpering sort.

Derrick Jaxn, the “Love Guru” triggered me into circling back to old stomping ground this week. He has a far larger base of fans than my husband and his wife seems to be a more deeply traumatized partner than I could ever fake to be.

You might be a Narcissist…

The number one symptom of the disorder is lack of empathy. Like all signs of the disorder, that’s a very broad and vague sign. Less vague is a lack of empathy or very little for others in their life, especially their partner. The degree varies depending on their partner. Stronger partners trigger a victim response in the narcissist.

For sure this person demands control. It may be as straightforward as knowing where there partner is, their finances, or appearance. It may be as complex as gaslighting and hysterics for attention.

The narcissist care about appearances. The physical aspects of their partner, their own appearance, and keeping up a facade that their life, their financial situation are the stuff dreams are made of.

Most partners tire and leave the situation but all narcissistic relationships include some form of financial, psychological or even physical abuse. Narcissist are about 0.5% of the U.S. population and 75% of this group are men. Interesting enough I have met a narcissistic female however.

Anyone can fall victim…

The partner of a Narcissist has many shapes and forms. From an independent boss to an insecure sheltered person with daddy issues. It won’t matter because the Narcissist is a shapeshifter. To the boss they will appear as a take charge person at first but soon the demand will take over and the stronger their partner is the harder they work at destroying them, breaking them down slowly until that person submits. To the sheltered soul they move slower, isolating, catering to the submissive nature until they feel the trap has sprung. Again the mask drops but the narcissistic partner now pulls the strings. This relationship normally has the most tragic ending and collapses into physical abuse because the option to leave has been slowly set far away.

Happily Ever After?

Contrary to popular belief these people are not lost causes. However, that doesn’t mean someone should endure the abuse waiting for this person to change. It’s like finding a four leaf clovers or being struck by lightening. The biggest factor is the person has to recognize their problem and seek help.

In the end…

The Derrick Jaxns of the world will always exist. Rather than placing his wife under a microscope as she has a breakdown on social media we need to more closely inspect how much we, the rational women bought into this guy and guys like him, paying no mind to the wife they are tearing down peice by peice. Any of us can fall prey. Show some support and keep a keen eye for a cry for help.

~LaTisha Gwyn Carbonell