This is a lesson I must teach as I learn. I don’t feel bad because I have encountered so many people in my life who struggle with letting go just as much as me. Do you like the title of this entry? This is your favorite song and has been your whole very short life. I still remember seeing you put your hand on the screen and gibber out your first sing along. It was in that moment I finally felt this very catchy yet nerve grating song. It was time to just let it go.
By “it” I mean your fears, your sadness, and most important, your anger. If you don’t ever find the time to read any of these I need you to read, absorb, and read again this one. Never get stuck in anger at yourself or anyone around you. It’s just like that quicksand you and your cousins obsess over. I should know. Your Mommy wasted most of her teen years and her twenties feeling angry.
I was going to be messy and share all that I was angry about at these various stages of life. Suffice it to say, I was justified in almost every circumstance to feel hurt, angry, and afraid. What I have learned though is the anger did not fix the problem, it just served to further break me, to give me an excuse to just…sit…still. That meant that out of all the people that have done me wrong I had done myself the greatest injustice. I blocked out family that may (or may not) have spoken in mistaken haste. I have left opportunities on the table because of the people involved in the situation.
But when your grandmother started dialysis, and she stated her one fear was dying and leaving me alone in the world was when it suddenly occurred to me that I was so busy being angry and indignant that I was forgetting to live. Besides starting my nursing career your Mommy had done very little. Not because I wasn’t a hard worker, or intelligent, or creative (you know I have spades of that). No rather, my arms were so full of the baggage of wrongs done to me I had no room to reach for the opportunities flying by.
Then I let it all go and the most amazing thing happened, God took my hand and led me on the greatest adventure. He brought your parents together, He gave us you, He gave ME you. He’s given me a support system, not just once in Jacksonville but again in Kennesaw. The people that were supposed to stay have and the people that did not mean us well have fallen by the wayside one after another. Was I hurt a few times? Bloodied and bruised? Have I cried and felt sorry for myself a time or two? Of course. Then I let it all go and reach for His hand. Life waits for none of us.
This doesn’t mean you should be a doormat. You should absolutely distance yourself from people and situations that leave a bad taste in your mouth, BUT, don’t linger too long afterward child. Build forward in love and honesty. I promise you, that you may believe your vengeance is fear inspiring but nothing beats God. Nothing. And while I repeat over and over to let many things go in life, NEVER let go of Him.