What’s Happening Wednesday: Almost

I almost lost it last week. And by it, I mean my mind, my salvation, and my freedom. Much like the Disneyland brawler, I was ready to go to jail.

Okay. Most of that is hyperbole. I’m a good Baptist, so I don’t believe that I can lose my salvation. Also, I was not ever, and never will be ready to go to jail. I am much too prissy for prison.

But the fact of the matter is that I was probably just a millisecond shy of snapping. I heard myself say out loud that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Other people heard it, too. My mother urged me not to say such things. The lady who was “working” the reception desk at my mother’s apartment complex heard me, too. She quickly averted her eyes. My children seemed oblivious, even though I was looking at and speaking directly to them.

I don’t want to tell all of my business, but these last few weeks have taken a serious toll on me.  I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I was on the verge of cracking.  And all the things that happened last week were almost enough to push me over the edge.

At one point, I found myself having a mini-meltdown in my car between stops. When it was done, I wiped the tears from my face, straightened out my clothes and proceeded to the next place on my agenda. There was no evidence that I had been bawling in my car just moments before. You could not sense the stench of failure that I felt was emanating from my pores. To the world, I looked like gold and I smelled like jasmine, because makeup and perfume can cover almost anything.

Almost…I fooled almost everyone.

Except, there were cracks in my facade. If anyone looked too closely at my behavior over the last two weeks, they would have seen my irregular eating and sleeping patterns, my general lack of productivity, and a level of irritability that was fairly uncommon.

I almost lost my mind last week, but something happened.  I laid all of my mess at the altar.  I asked the Lord to fix it and He did.

I have always heard that almost doesn’t count.  But I know for certain that it does.  If you’ve been down to almost nothing, you would understand.  If your child almost got hit by a car, or you almost died on an operating table, you, too, know that almost does indeed count.

I am reminded of the 27th Psalm.  We all know “The Lord is my light and my salvation.” But down toward the end, the psalmist says, “I would have fainted, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”  King David says that he almost gave up hope, but…

I was on the edge of the cliff last week, and I almost toppled over.  Thanking God for the progress that the word “almost” represents.

Mama Radford

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