Since becoming a mom of three, I barely have strength to fulfill my basic needs, like wash my hair…shave my legs…write for extended periods of time….I can barely keep up with friends, news/ entertainment, fashion, or cool language that I can actually use in conversation with adults in 2019.

I often find myself in middle spaces, with something extreme on both ends of me. From the middle, I can see everybody’s way forward. I can usually look to both ends and find the people I care for on each end happy, taken care of, and feeling adequate.

Meanwhile, I find myself in a hollow place holding an empty cup, still trying to pour out love. But the cup is empty, and so am I. Somehow everyone still gets what they need.

Women tend to do this.

Black women were born and raised to do this. 

With all the joy that is felt from having and taking care of a family, how does one pour from an empty cup?

Here are three thoughts on getting refilled:

1. Worship. Another thing I am able to see from my middle vantage point, are the blessings. The many, many, many blessings. Through worship, I cultivate a thankful heart and a steady mind. It may be the only time I am able to see my cup run over.

2. Meet a personal goal. Write a book or a chapter. Finish reading a book. Take a class. Get a degree. Run a marathon. Join a social organization… of course you have to be able to move from the middle place and the patterns of ignoring your own needs to even pursue such a personal goal.

3. Take care of your basic needs. Wash your hair, get a massage, go for a walk or run, update your undergarments, soak/ get the dead skin off your feet, have a glass of wine, take a trip, wax, shave ✔

Clinnesha is a writer, wife, mom, meta-artist, and social entrepreneur who feels most accountable to southern, black citizen-artists, elders, children, and families. Her work is at the intersection of arts, culture, innovation, and community.