bleeding heart

Dear Diary:

WOW!!!  It’s amazing when painful revelations come to light, especially when it occurs MANY years later.

For years, it filled my heart with joy sharing adventures with those who meant, and still mean the world to me. Going on trips to the Library  to discover different adventures that could only be found in well written books.  Taking walks and drives on nature trails while learning how to appreciate the beauty of God’s creations.  Exposing young ears to music from various cultures and genres. Sharing family stories in the hope of passing on the history that will eventually (surely) be forgotten.   Man! Didn’t see this one coming.  Makes sense now why I don’t hear from them anymore.  All this time, I was thinking that they were just busy, but in truth there was, and maybe still is, a secret disdain.  Gee.

How do I deal with this painful bit of information that has cut me to the depths of my very being?  What do I say at the next encounter, “I’m sorry that I was too honest?  I apologize for being totally concerned about your wellbeing?  Forgive me for actually being present in your life when others who should have been were not?  Were ALL of those interactions past childhood that painful for you?”

Diary. . . what do I do with this knowledge?  To now know that what I thought was showing love and care was interpreted as “the weird Aunt who was fun to be around as a child but was secretly viewed as a meddler in the teenage years and one to avoid in the young adult  and adult years?”

Well.  What do we say to these things Diary?  What can we say to these things?  People say, “family, like life, moves on.  Accept it.”  This is not an easy thing to accept.  Now I know how Aunt Bea REALLY felt.

Until next time Diary.



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