On this, the eve of the day, where we gather round the kitchen table, the card tables, and the tables we borrowed from the church, to give thanks, I have a few bones to pick, and unfortunately, none of them are the wishbone.

In an effort to curtail the annual holiday weight gain, I’ve been going to to the gym. (I have been twice this week already.  Yay, me!)  Anyway, I noticed a few things in the gym that we just don’t do.  And by we, I mean me.  Here are a list of the top 5 things that y’all do, and by y’all I mean anybody that is participating in any of the below activities, that we just don’t do.

5)   Make friends.  Listen I love y’all, but from a distance.  I don’t come to the gym to hangout.  I’m not about to tell y’all about my day.  We are only going to see each other if we come to the gym at the same time on a regular basis. I go to the gym for two reasons, to burn calories so i can eat the food I want, or to burn the calories of the food i have already eaten that was not in my diet plan.

4) Sharing water bottles.  Maybe if you’re married, or related by blood…but I literally saw a man ask a woman yesterday if she was a germaphobe, and when she replied that she wasn’t, he asked if she had a problem drinking after him.  Again, she replied that she didn’t, so then he handed her his bottle and she put her lips on it and drank some of the sports drink he wanted her try.  I have so many issues with this story. First, if you don’t know this woman well enough to know whether or not she was germaphobic, then you have no business offering her your bottle.  Secondly, you don’t drink anything without knowing what it is.  This woman could have been in serious danger.

3) This same man and woman were discussing illegal activity in the gym loud enough for me to hear.  I live in Kansas, where if we could, we’d make everything even remotely entertaining, illegal.  (We are in desperate need of tax funds in the state.) Anyway, I know she was planning to bake brownies with a special ingredient that is legal in at least one of the states we border, but very much not legal here.  He said something about prostitutes and the cost per hour, and how he wouldn’t even last an hour.  I was flabbergasted.  This is not a conversation we would have ever had in public.

2) Sharing towels.  I saw an older couple doing this.  I thought it was gross.  Some of those people get swamp sweaty in the gym.  I saw one guy dripping so much I thought the ceiling was leaking.  When I saw that lady grab her husband’s towel and wipe her own face, I promptly decided it was time for me to go home.  There was a supply of clean towels maybe 15 feet from where she stood.  I refuse to believe she was too lazy to walk the 15 feet, especially since we were AT THE GYM!  Which means this lady made a conscious decision to use her husband’s sweaty towel, and that was not a decision I felt comfortable witnessing.

1) Walking around  baring your whole behind in the locker room.  Now listen, I understand that you have to be nude while showering.  I understand there will be a few seconds of nakedness while changing clothes…but I can think of no earthly reason for y’all to be walking around in your birthday suit in this public place.  Too many times I’ve walked in to the locker room and seen somebody’s entire body.  Y’all don’t wrap a towel around you or nothing.  And to make matters worse, we have privacy doors where you can get dressed out of the view of the rest of the patrons.  But y’all choose to just be naked in full view of anybody walking in the door. One lady had the nerve to sit her naked tail on the bench in the locker room, while she checked her text messages.   Now I’m scared to sit on the benches.  Is modesty not a thing?  How are y’all that comfortable?  Nevermind.  I don’t need to know because that is not a thing I will ever be doing.

On the eve of this Thanksgiving, I’m actually grateful that I’m not one of y’all,  Y’all are nasty!

Mama Radford