Musing About the Loss of Identity During a Mid 40’s Rebirth

Today on a hike with a fellow coworker and one of her friends, we discussed the mass consciousness that is really pushing down (and hear me out, because I was part of that, and agree with it) the sensitive man’s sense of self.

I am not speaking for all men, I am speaking for my own perspective…but,  one that seems to be shared by many of my peers.  Albeit, most of my peers would indeed hold similar traits and ideals.  (sensitive, empathic, liberal, etc)

On the wake of the #metoo movement, I think like the ambiguous sexual roles and lifestyles we see playing out… will in all likelihood, overshoot the mark and then correct back to natural terms.

What do I mean by that?

I mean men of power, and I am not one, have taken advantage of all kinds of people, women in HUGE WAYS, and finally are having to pay a price.  Accountability in all  industries is a necessary and grateful shift forward.

Just to clear up the note on sexuality. I think in my humble opinion, god’s grace and infinite love for all people and an interpretation on a specific section of the bible, has really hurt and marginalized a large group of people. Often living secret lives and the burden of that spilling into so many facets of life.

So to make that right, massive movements in real time, and again…just my opinion, we have overshot the mark and nature will correct it back to an appropriate biological %.

One of the interesting byproducts of  all this, is a newly divorced and single guy like me, suddenly is overthinking every make out move with a flirty female who is wanting to engage in playful ways!  What used to be symbiotic moves between adult males and females, now has someone like me, making sure the first move is from her!

I am a sensitive guy, and by definition, that doesn’t mean weak, it means TUNED INTO others feelings more naturally.   Being newly single after two marriages back to back means life is already a process unfolding with awkward layers to iron out, but throw in the hypersensitive period of culture and I realize I’m just wanting to make sure I am not part of any problem.

During my early adulthood I had a lot of experience with females, more than I’m comfortable admitting. But..I have not a single memory and would wager all I have that every encounter was mutual and filled with genuine respect.

But sexuality has very different flavors, energies, and interests. One has to pay attention, trust, and be open with communication to not have any issues.  I think most of us men do quite well, but some really spoil it for us.

Enough about that.

I’m also navigating what life is like not sharing a dream with my partner, not pushing my son on the bike, and not getting to read  Harry Potter to my daughter at  bedtime. Not only do I not get these things, because their mother is Norwegian, and my VISAs had finally run out after 5 years.  When I flew back to the United States in January, I was entering into a long distance fatherhood experience. At least for the next two years as I really get a long term plan and practical sense of vision for my hopes and dreams.

So divorce is not easy, but it’s also not unique.  What does one day when your entire scheme of life, and view of what makes you YOU is suddenly gone?

Who am I?  What is my purpose?  How long do I mourn these losses? And at what point does it fuel my fire?

I was really put into a neat place by hearing about my coworkers ex husband, and her current partner, and a relation to everyone’s loss  of identity, the crisis that sort of emits to our deepest core and manifests in a variety of ways.

Mine led to self destruction, depression, and intense pain and sadness.  The great thing about my own journey, is I always have known there is a solution.  And recovery and the principles of an examined life is just something I finally embrace with open arms.

I am still finding my way, and reshaping what “family “means and what Jared is willing to stand for now.

My musings are always from the heart, and I share passionately about love, international life, entrepreneurship and the startup journey, and the of an addict now in recovery.

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@americaninscandinavia @solgaveanimalsolutions @solgaveclothing


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