My husband is a confident launderer. Sorting and washing laundry is a chore he doesn’t mind doing and does a pretty good job making sure the family has clean clothes weekly. After we had our son, our laundry started getting backed up and we ended up with compilations of clothing like what you see in the photo.

A mountain of laundry can be daunting. You watch it building up and, before you know it, there’s this pile of mess that seems to recycle itself. You pick through it daily, but it never gets broken down and dealt with. The proverbial pile of laundry I’m speaking of is a metaphor for the unresolved conflicts that can get stacked against our marriages.

One thing I want deeply out of life is a marriage that lasts. In order to have a long lasting marriage, I believe we must be willing to dive in and sort through all the stuff. I mean, we have to really deal with the piles that have accumulated. Picking through the laundry daily, only getting what we need for that moment and avoiding everything else, is simply not enough. We have to find a good space to dump the massive pile, and, one article at a time, smooth out the wrinkles that have developed over time. During the process of emptying, smoothing, and folding, we may even pick up on an odor coming from one or more of the garments– something that needs extra care, a second wash or extra rinse. Sometimes the load may not be all the way dry and could use additional heat (also a de-wrinkling technique).

Things often happen during the wash cycle…overloading, fading, thumps, bumps, things can even get trapped or ripped….As married people, we have to endure our washcycles. We have to pay attention to the settings. We can’t let damp clothes sit in the machine because they will sour. We have to stay consistent if we want to see results– if we want to get to the bottom of the bin. When we can get to the base of it all, we are on to something great.

It is best to not let things pile up, but sometimes the inevitable happens and we end up with a mountain of loads that have not been tended to. It may take days to get things folded and back on track; it may take days to find the right words or the best approach to addressing whatever needs attention. However, we should aim to be proactive in getting the dirty clothes and linen sorted, cleaned, carefully smoothed out, and put away. We should be intentional when it comes to taking care of home…

Look at us.

I am in laundry heaven with this man. And sometimes, real talk, we get behind. It’s not all wrinkle-free. In fact, a lot of what we deal with as a married team requires the delicate setting. Sometimes we even have to re-wash. But when it comes down to the smoothing, folding, sorting, and walking stacks of folded laundry to its proper place, we simply just have to work together and follow through. ❤

Clinnesha is a writer, wife, mom, meta-artist, and social entrepreneur who feels most accountable to southern, black citizen-artists, elders, children, and families. Her work is at the intersection of arts, culture, innovation, and community.