A thought presented itself to me recently.
I’ve always believed in Jesus, but I haven’t always believed Jesus.
Now, I know how oxymoronic that sounds, but the more I think about it, the more I see it true. Some would argue that is I haven’t believed Jesus then I’ve never believed In Him. I would say that is a fallible argument.
I grew up in church singing hymns. From as far back as I can remember, I’ve sang songs about how faithful God is, and how good God is. So, I definitely believed that there was a God, or Jesus. (We didn’t talk much about the Holy Spirit, so I was clueless there.) But I always knew that there was a Jesus, but it took me awhile to believe in Him.
That He cared. That he loved me, especially because I knew me, and believed that all of my darkness made me unlovable. I had a hard time believing that He would make a way for me when times got hard. And if I’m being honest with you, and you might not hear many preachers say this, but even as a minister, there have been times when I had a hard time believing Him. I could believe Him for you, or anybody else, but not for me.
Here’s how I know that all things that happen to us point us to Him, if we allow it. Problems and lack, stress and solitude, troubles and trials of life have all pushed me continually deeper in my belief in Him. So that the verses become true. They become my salvation. They aren’t just head knowledge, but a heart knowledge. And while I am not there totally yet, I’m getting there.
Faith is a journey, Not a destination. And we all are on the spectrum.
So don’t beat yourself up if you’re like the centurion soldier and say ,”God I believe, but help my unbelief.”
Jesus is bigger than your doubt, and is eager to dispel and dispatch every doubt you might have about who He is, and how much He loves you.