Therapeutic Tuesday: Thankful

I was thinking this morning that I really had some things to be thankful for. They did not come in wrappings that said be thankful, yet upon further perspective, they are immaculate blessings.

  1. Emerie Londyn- Despondent, despairing, disappointed. When we found out that we were pregnant with number 5, we sat on the floor and cried. I wanted to curse God, but my faith would not allow me to do that. We knew that we hadn’t taken the steps to get fixed, yet we also knew that nothing happens by accident. I recall hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. I fought back tears. I remember finding out that it was a girl. I did cry then. Some part of me was not ready to be done with having children. I often found myself missing the smaller times as I watched our youngest, Zyla, growing by leaps and bounds to keep up with her older siblings. It took me some time to admit to myself that I missed holding and rocking a baby. I had convinced myself that i was done, but God knew that we needed one more. We don’t have a lot. We gave all of our baby stuff away. We don’t know how we are even going to get the things that we need, but God has never allowed any of our children to go lacking, so we know that he will meet those needs. Emerie is a blessing that I am thankful for.
  2. Diabetes- It is a curious thing that a hospital stay would be a blessing. Or that a diabetes diagnosis would be anything to be thankful for, but I am thankful for both. While I get tired of finding new places to stick on my fingers and giving myself insulin shots, I’m thankful. I feel great. I’m not eating the best that I can, but I’m eating better than I have in a long time. I’ve lost 20 lbs, and I feel really good. yeah, there are side effects, but overall, what do I have to complain about? This has forced me to look honestly at my health and be proactive. I’ll never eat salads, and many veggies will never touch my palette, (mashed cauliflower? ICK!!!), but so just understanding and listening to my body more has resulted in an overall more thankful attitude. And I can still have meat. So there.
  3. Delay- I remember God speaking to me clearly about being called into pastoral ministry. I thought then that meant that I’d be pastoring a church quickly, and things would be awesome! I figured I’d not have to work a job other than at my church, and we would do great things. I spent many years resentful of God, even while serving in churches and doing the best I could to “prove myself” or make myself stand out. My motives were wrong. Over the years I have learned to give that calling back to God. I know it is still there, but the realization that I’m not ready for it, nor am I capable of bringing it to pass, has humbled me. I’m content to just serve where I am in the moment, and not wish (so much) for more responsibility. I have moments when I think the time is rapidly approaching, but in those moments I take a breath and give it back to God. After all, it’s not my calling, but His choosing. He will determine the timing, even if I’m much older than I am right now.

Be blessed everyone. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

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