I’ve got to be honest with y’all. I haven’t felt like myself lately. It feels like people are just piling on nonsense from all sides. Common courtesies seem like they are being erased from our daily lives. People just generally appear to be in a collective bad mood.

I feel stretched taut like a piano wire and breathless in anticipation of the impending, irreparable pop. 

I talked about a little of what I’ve been feeling last week in 5 Signs Of A Time To Chill, but that barely scratched the surface of my malaise.

And we haven’t even hit the holiday season yet.

I’m not one to sit back and do nothing when I know something is wrong. So, I went into my reflection closet and shut out the noise that often distracts me from my inner voice. It was time for some frank questions.

1. Why have I been feeling so off lately?

2.  Am I putting my time and energy in the right places?

3.  How much longer can I pretend I am okay being so far away from my family and friends?

Whoa, there they are. Three little questions that I have been afraid to voice into the atmosphere. Three little questions that have been weighing on my chest and suffocating me. 

I never thought I’d be this person. I thought I could live anywhere as long as I made enough money and had a good airport with frequent plane routes to the ones I love.  In reality, it rips my heart out on a daily basis to be so far removed from my people. It’s maddening to look at the insufficient funds in my account to hop a flight to see my littles. I want to grab a drink with my girls after work. I want to brunch with my cousins. I want to cheer at my nephew’s football games.  I want to climb rocks with my niece. I want to have cookouts with my neighbors.  I want to have Sunday dinner with my parents and surprise my grandma with lunch and window shopping on the spur of the moment.

Some people simply don’t appreciate the blessing of proximitywhen it comes to maintaining family and friendship bonds.

My reflections didn’t really lead me to any solutions per se, but they did make me think about a scene from The Untouchables that has me thinking hard about my current circumstance. “What am I prepared to do about my situation?” God knows, I’m not built to sit around and whine while taking no action. I don’t do “damsel”. So I will continue to reflect and think about what I need to do to address this absence in my life. It’s becoming clear to me that I must do something about it or it will become increasingly difficult for me to do things I need to do in life.


Marta C. Youngblood is a writer, education and social entrepreneur based in Lubbock, Texas. For more information on her current projects visit https://about.me/MCyoungblood.