This is from the vaults. God has blessed my family so much since this point, and He was even blessing us then. I just couldn’t see the forest for the trees. As I was reading over an old blog, I found this post and thought that I would share. Maybe it will help someone.
Today was a day, not unlike any other day. I woke up in a good mood. I had a chance to steal a nap with my wife. We had a good breakfast, and a good lunch. We worked in the garage for our garage sale this weekend. Then my wife told me what she had planned for dinner, and suddenly my mood shifted. AS I traveled to the church to pick up a few tables for the coming weekend, I began examining myself. I felt angry. I was frustrated. But why? Because we weren’t having pizza or some other delectable delight for dinner?
No. My wife is a great cook. Even if I don’t really care for turkey legs, they will still be good, cause she is just awesome like that. So why are my thoughts cloudy? A sequence of thoughts really sums it up.
Me: I’m so tired of being broke. I wish i could take my wife out, take my kids out. why is it that every time we have money, we don’t really have it, because we are always catching up on bills from when we didn’t have money before.
(my mood is steadily worsening)
Me: I know I’m complaining, but I can’t ask my parents for rent this time. They’ve helped us till they can’t help us anymore. Maybe we shouldn’t have made that trip home a few weeks ago. We left with a little money, and came back with none…and we didn’t even spend money on anything but gas.
(I can feel my spirit being pulled down even further)
Me: God, my parent’s get sick of me asking them for money. Shoot, I’m always praying to you to meet our financial needs. We don’t have money for rent. Our light bill was extended to Monday, and we don’t have that money yet. So much stuff is due. We can’t even get the kids’ school supplies. What gives? Don’t you get sick of me ALWAYS coming to you with ALL of these desperate needs ? Don’t you get tired of hearing from me? I know my folks do. They probably hate me and think I’m a failure.
Now, during this diatribe, I feel God interrupt me with such force that I still have the wobbly feeling in my stomach. After that last part, God simply says, “No.”
“No, I don’t get tired of you coming to me with your needs.”
“No, I don’t think that you are an abject failure.”
“No, you don’t like having to come to me every time you need something.”
It comes to me on a personal level that God’s strength is made perfect when I’m at my weakest. Well, I’m weak now. And even while I feel completely helpless, by the same token, I can strangely feel better. Peace. God has spoken to my storm with one simple word, “No.”
In one of his recent sermons, my Pastor said that we have to believe that God CAN meet our needs, even if He doesn’t meet our need for some reason. Our job is to believe that God IS able in EVERY circumstance. By that same token, we, I, have to keep believing in my heart that God never tires of hearing from me. My complete and utter dependence upon Him is what He wants most of all from my life. Thusly, I MUST believe that God will come through. And He will.
I know that I come to you all usually with something encouraging. Even in this mood that I was in, I hope that God’s response to my weakness encourages you all the more. I don’t mind admitting my failures and shortcomings. It’s all truly life.
You all be blessed.