Say What?!? Saturday: Another Year…

Current Day & Time: Friday 9:26 pm. My birthday was Thursday June 29th, another year has begun. I tend to get in my feelings. Bare with me, I am a Cancer. The angst begins……..now:

I have several streams of thought rolling around in my head right now: 1) Why aren’t I further in life? 2) Is the path I’m on, the right one? 3) Am I happy? 4) When will I “get” it?  5) Do I really have to eat kale? 6) Do I want to get married? 7) Will any man be okay with the fact that I’m perfectly content not having kids? 8) Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

I had a cousin, innocently enough, text me asking “well why didn’t you do the Masters in Library Media”. I just looked at the phone and didn’t reply. It made me mad. Backstory: my mother is a librarian.  She was MADE to be a librarian. It is her love. I love my momma but I am NOT my momma. We get along so well because I am the yin to her yang, which some may mistake as the same, but is in fact two DIFFERENT but complimentary forces. This could be my projection but not everybody has the desire to go to grad school. I get a little miffed when people place more emphasis on the degree than the ACTUAL skills a person holds. This world and economy takes all kinds. Just sayin.

Angst Level 2:

I am a 33yr old woman (even typing woman is foreign as I have not fully embraced my womanhood. I still think in terms of girl…let’s stick a pin in that shall we), who lives at home (even though I pay rent, I still beat myself up about this), possess a Bachelor’s in Business Administration from a decent institution (40K in loans), but is currently enrolled in technical school to get a diploma in the field of Medical Coding and Billing with the expectation of sitting to be certified, as well as,  starting a billing company.

I think I’m getting nervous about the time that school will take because it may take much longer than anticipated.  My eyes tear up when I think about not graduating until I’m 35. I have no hints of a 401K by the way. Oh God. *breathing*

IS IT WORTH IT? I know I’m the only one who can answer that question. I tend to worry about time but yet have seemed to waste a lot of it just trying to figure ish out. Ironic.

I don’t have any rainbows, glitter or care bears to add to this. It is what it is. Tomorrow is a new day. I will probably feel better next week. I just needed to get this up and out! In the meantime, pass the tacos and tequila.

*digs through the crates for some angsty Avril Lavigne*

~ Ruth

 

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