Yesterday was Mardi Gras. The day when the faithful cast their inhibitions aside and do all the things they vow not to do for the next six weeks. I did not participate, except to give a few pre-teen girls a short lesson Ash Wednesday and Lent
I’m going to be completely honest with you. I have no intentions to fast this year. The world is too crazy a place for me not to rely on my vices. The world seems to get just a little bit more scary as time goes on. I may need my tequila and chocolate to help get me through the next few weeks.
But there are few things i think i can do without until Easter, Here’s a short list:
- Executive orders: We are still trying to unravel the first few. Pace yourself, Mr. President. You’ve got plenty of time. The poor ACLU attorneys need a break.
- A diss track. I don’t listen to much hip-hop, but Remy Ma’s Shether, had more than enough headshots to keep all of us ducking under tables for a few weeks. (Side note: There is no need for you to respond Ms. Minaj. There is nothing you need to say. Your core fan base doesn’t even know who Remy Ma is, well they didn’t until Saturday.)
- Fake news and alternative facts. Fake news was cool when Jon Stewart did it on Comedy Central. Alternative facts weren’t even a thing until a few weeks ago. Let’s make them not a thing again. Let’s go back to a time where fake news was funny and facts were concrete.
- Doctor’s visits. This one is going to be especially tricky, since i have a follow-up visit scheduled in a few weeks. But seriously, i’ve been poked and prodded so much in the last two weeks, that i think i could go another couple years without seeing a doctor (except maybe a mental health professional, because shit gets crazy out here.
- Wedding announcements. i love y’all. i love that you’re in love, but i’m putting a six-week freeze on all new engagements…unless y’all are cool with me wearing the same dress in all of your wedding photos. i need this six weeks to save up. i have to buy gifts and get my hair done, unless of course, yall are cool with me wearing the same wig to all your ceremonies as well.
- School activities. i have to be at my kids school so much in the next few weeks, i’m thinking they should put me on payroll. Read alongs, puppet shows, field trips, and God knows what else i signed up to do.
- Road construction. It doesn’t matter what state you live in. I-35 is always jacked up. For 6 weeks, i demand that all lanes of traffic be open in both directions at the same time. I’d worry about the downtime for the construction crews, but i rarely see them out there working anyway.
- Diapers. i’m potty-training my toddler. i’m sick of changing diapers. For the next six weeks, she either uses the potty, or she goes outside like the puppy. i’m fine either way.
In all seriousness, there are things all of us could do without for the next week. On the top of that list is hate. No matter what your religion, let’s all attempt to be loving for six weeks…and ever after.