This month has been one of reflection.  My plan was to challenge myself to the NanoWriMo but it was a resounding failure. I didn’t make it past 3,000 words,much less the 50,000.  When I announced I wasn’t going to be able to get it done I was told not to give up, to keep going.

Well I didn’t!  I decided that this was not the way I wanted to write a book.  What it did for me though was grant me introspection on what I want to write, what world I want to create, and it set me on a path of hard goals which is something I haven’t done for myself in at least 10 years.  It was liberating in a strange way but in other ways I realized I have come full circle in my life.  Prior to nursing school all I wanted was to write, to find the time, to create that time in a full schedule.  It’s all within our power but we must have the passion to nurture the seed and watch it grow.

I was outside decorating my house with laser lights (because I am too lazy to hang lights) and I saw a figure coming up the street in what was left of daylight.   It was a former technician I worked with at the hospital. The last time I’d seen her she was standing on my doorstep, face bloodied and bruised from a bout with her abusive boyfriend.  This evening she was walking down the street with puffs of mist coming out of her mouth and an oversized purse tucked under her arm.  I didn’t recognize her at first but when I did I came towards her, standing straight and greeted her.  She didn’t want to acknowledge me but with almost a visible sigh of resignation she began the usual engagement.  How’s life?  Are you still working at the hospital?  It was uncomfortable to say the least as she walked back to her abuser.  She was supposed to be going home to family in Georgia.  I was having a full on conversation with myself about the insanity of going back to such a violent and precarious situation when I looked around me.  I was standing in the yard of my rental home, a nurse, planning a trip to my husband, NOT writing.  In the space of six years my life had come exactly full circle.  I was back to where I started.  Nothing was wrong with that but was I still the same person standing in this circle?

Our world is coming full circle if we consider it.  Our indigenous people are fighting for a right to their land against a self serving government of elite politician and businessman.  Fidel Castro has died and the Cuban people are split down the middle on whether to celebrate or mourn.  African Americans once again scramble and disagree on if and how we belong in this country.  Women are being told that we are of less value than our male counterparts and we should accept this assessment for the greater good.  It is disheartening but we must consider the circle.  Are we the same as we were when the circumstances were first presented.  Will we accept the same as the first time or are we evolving in light of the same situation can we grow into our better selves.

Now is not an option to stay still because the timeline continues to move. We just have to evolve towards a better people, better individual as we are represented obstacles and asked to approach them with new knowledge and experience.

~L.M. Carbonell