Placed red roses March 30, 2016

Not only was my father no longer here but my friend, advisor, counselor, buddy, fishing partner, encourager, YOU NAME IT.  He was no longer on this side.  HOW WOULD I MAKE IT THROUGH????

My father died suddenly in 2011 and I had to fulfill the promise that I made to my father three years earlier.  Over night, my life changed entirely.  The end of a 22 year marriage.  The transitioning of my father from earth to glory.  Raising a son as a single mother.  The caregiver of my mother.  All of this while wrapping up business matters because working full time was no longer an option.  THERE WAS NO TIME TO GRIEVE for my father.

Fast forward to October 2014.  Mom and I had 4 1/2 years to become close and then . . . she joins dad.  TIME TO FACE REALITY AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO COPE!!!

After FREAKING OUT one day while riding home, I realized that I was not experiencing my level of normal.  I NEEDED HELP TO cope with the transitioning of two parents.  I immediately contacted Chaplin John at Spanish Oaks Hospice.  HE WAS SO HELPFUL in that he LISTENED  and did NOT JUDGE ME!!!  I had more sessions with him and two of the most powerful things I learned was that I MUST GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO GRIEVE and I MUST NOT PUT A TIME LIMIT ON MY GRIEVING PROCESS.  It is a PROCESS folks.  If anyone tells you not to cry…DON’T LISTEN TO THEM!!! THEY ARE WRONG!!!  OH, and DON’T TELL PEOPLE NOT TO CRY WHEN YOU TRANSITION.  THAT IS NOT FAIR AND IT IS WRONG!!!

When you no longer have the special someone on this side to walk, talk, laugh, cry, and get angry with, your life will NEVER be the same.  PEOPLE GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY and THAT’S OKAY.  I screamed to the top of my lungs at my husband not to take me by the church where my mother was buried from.  All he was trying to do was take the shortest route home so that he could take care of me.  In those moments of my “not normal for me” state, THAT DID NOT MATTER.    I am so thankful that the understanding that I needed help sunk in quickly.

This was my criteria to get emotional support:

The person must NOT know my family.

The person must NOT know me.

The person needed to listen.

The person must not judge me and if they do . . . . keep it to themselves!

My criteria was met and it helped me greatly.  This may not work for you.  Then again, it might.  You must give yourself permission to grieve however and for however long you need to.

I don’t cry as often but I still cry because I still and will forever miss then until we meet again.

I hope that this was helpful.  Have a fabulous Funkadelic Friday.

~~~Malinda Gwyn~~~~


Mom and Dad at dinner





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