Just the other day I was watching a movie that I think was about finding yourself. Actually I tuned in at the end so I have no idea what the entire movie was about. I only have my assumptions and interpretations based on the snippet I saw. This guy had a girlfriend and I’m assuming he wasn’t sure about the direction of the relationship or his life in general. So, he chose to explore the world in pursuit of happiness. This led him to a few adventures and ultimately led him to visit an old friend who was now married with 2 kids and another on the way. This guy contemplated a “what if” scenario about the outcome of his life had he hooked up with this friend years ago. However, she completely shutdown that line of thinking by letting him know that she loves her husband, family, and life. She told him that he needs to grow up and figure out what he wants in life. Specifically, I think she was explaining how having a grasp of and expressing emotions and feelings is a mature lifestyle habit that defines successful adulthood. Then she takes him to visit this professor who is during research with brain scans and showing how specific brain activity is associated with emotions. He has color coded Sad, Scared, Happy emotions so he can show those areas of brain activity when people are reflecting on certain thoughts. Some other things happen and then this guy gets a moment of clarity about his life and realizes that he has a choice and obligation to be happy. As he reaches this conclusion, his brain reaches a state where all 3 emotions are expressed at once and the professor determines that this is the ultimate goal…the point when the emotional response to a thought reflects a multitude of emotions…the expression of Sadness, Fear, and Happiness at the same time.
Sadness. Fear. Happiness. When was the last time you’ve truly had an experience where there’s a multitude of conflicting emotion entangled as one. I haven’t had many occurrences, but today is that day. I had a moment of realization that God has truly answered everyone of my prayers according to His Plan:
I’ve spent the better part of this year thinking through work plans and how I could better my students’ learning experiences in my courses, but a couple of days ago culminated in an actual plan of action on paper. I’m not sure if I’ll get the grant money, but having to articulate things in my mind on paper has definitely helped me to jump start how to plan for fall semester. I am happy that the proposal has been submit, scared that the reviewers won’t see the innovative ideas that I wanted to articulate, and sad because I know I could have given just a little bit more on the organization and development of the proposal.
I just spent most of this month helping my family move from my childhood home. I found some many pictures and old documents that made me reminisce on various memories over the years. I’m thrilled that my family FINALLY moved, but kind of sad because I had to let go of a lot of keepsakes that triggered those memories. This move made me confront some of my past decisions and reflect on mistakes that I’ve made over the years. Most of all it was a clear reality that my HOME is now elsewhere. My heart is no longer in my hometown, no longer with my family, but rather a focus on fulfilling God’s purpose and living wholeheartedly for Him…in my new HOME…in my new life.
So I’ve come to this moment. After 2 months of constant “something to do” and lots of traveling, I’m finally in a moment of stillness. A moment of reflection. A moment where all of these emotions collide into a single point in time. A moment where I’m out of the country with limited wifi and phone service only if I want to pay for roaming (only in case of emergency!!) and a couple of tv channels but nothing really on tv. I’m lounging on the hotel room’s balcony watching the marina and the ferry boats come and go while the gentle ocean breeze calms my soul…and then it hits me. THIS is it. Understanding and harnessing the multidimension of emotions and embracing the Sadness, Fear, and Happiness wrapped into one existence leads to a place of total Peace. Serenity. Stillness. Joy.