Therapeutic Tuesday: I Never Thought

 

I never thought that I could be a teacher. I’ve written about this before, but just that opening line brings such a flood of emotion to me that it is a bit hard to even write this. It’s not simply that I never thought that I could be a teacher, but I never wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to be on stages with my name in lights. I wanted to make a shallow difference on a big stage and be known. I wanted to be special. And after watching my parents and other educators grind every day throughout my young life, I was convinced that there was nothing truly special about teaching. I respected what teachers did, and sometimes even marveled at their knowledge, but that was not a big enough stage for me. I wrote music. I sang music. I was destined for greatness.

After I recognized God’s call on my life to preach, I again saw myself in lights at a big church with multiple colored suits, looking sharp and preaching the Word with fire…raining down God’s will on unsuspecting masses. Gosh I was proud. And while I still had offers to try teaching, I did not. I was too big for that. I was destined for greatness, and greatness did not come by telling kids what to do in a classroom.

I never thought that I could be a teacher, but when I realized that God wanted me to be a teacher something happened in me. I realized that my refusal to teach stemmed from a feeling of inferiority that had plagued my entire life. I was afraid. And for someone who never saw himself as a teacher, the moment I was hired for my first teaching job, I cried like a baby in my way on the way home. I never thought that I could be a teacher, but in reality I’m not a teacher. I’m a youth Pastor dropping Jesus bombs on unsuspecting young people. I’m a mentor, showing young men that they don’t have to be roguish to be accepted. I’m a challenger of conventions. I am an encourager of greatness. I am a visionary for those with blind eyes. I am a healer of those with broken hearts. I am a hug for those with slumped shoulders. I am a high-fiver for those with downtrodden heads. I am a listening ear for those with much to say and no one to listen. I am tears for students who refuse to let them flow. I am strength for those who think they are too weak. I am Mr. B to every student, no matter whether they have me as a teacher or not.

I never thought that I could be a teacher, but now that I am, I can never imagine being anything else.

That’s all for today’s session on the couch. Y’all be blessed!

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