When I was younger there use to be Sunday afternoon programs with choirs singing, ushers marching, and refreshments that equaled a complete meal.  The one thing that you could always count on at each of these programs was the little old lady who had a reading to share.  I must say that I heard some of the most interesting, unique, and unusual readings attending these programs in my youth.  While cleaning out a box of papers the other day that belonged to my mother who recently passed, I found one of those interesting, unique, and unusual readings.  I just had to share it.

HOW TO RAISE A CROOK

Begin from infancy to give the child everything he wants.  This way he will grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.

When he picks up bad words, laugh at him.  It will encourage him to pick up cuter phrases that will blow the top off your head later.

Never give him any spiritual training.  Wait until he is 21 and then let him decide for himself.

Avoid the use of the word “wrong.”  It may develop a guilt complex.  This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.

Pick up anything he leaves lying around–books, shoes, clothing.  Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing the responsibility onto others.

Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on.  Silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feed on garbage.

Quarrel frequently in the presence of the children.  Then they won’t be too shocked when  the home is broken up.

Give the child all the spending money he wants.  Never let him earn his own.  Why should he have things as rough as you had them?

Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort.  See that every desire is gratified.  Denial may lead to harmful frustrations.

Take his part against the neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.

When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourselves by saying, “I never could do anything with him.”

Prepare for a life of grief because you are sure to have it.

From the Presbyterian Journal

I hope that this made you think and smile.  Have a fabulous Funkadelic Friday.