Sundays with Stassi: Forbidden LOVE -The Friend pt.1

A solid friendship is how it all started more than 10 years ago. Nothing more. He had a girl. I had a guy. But there was an instant connection. He walked around portraying himself as this big, bad wolf, but anyone who really knew him knew that he was just a soft, caring teddy bear. The kind of bear that always magically appears in your view just when you need it. Remember when you thought you were a big girl and put all of your stuff animals away, but then when got your first dose of grown up realities you run to the toss away bin to grab it, cuddly up on your bed, and cry into it until the tears would come no more. Yeah, that kind of friend. The one who always wishes the best for you. The one who would always give you healthy dose of reality with words that hurt yet are truthful. The one who despite your stupidity in some cases is always there to pick up the pieces. But we remained friends. Good Friends. Nothing more. For years…
December 2012 was a rough month. I had been praying for a while about my relationship. My guy and I had been together for about 5 and a half years. We had only taken a short break once, but that didn’t last long. I loved him, but it wasn’t the same once it became long distance. Oh who am I kidding, it wasn’t the same for a very long time but became worst with the distance. A year earlier, I felt him being a little short with me on the phone and I didn’t understand why. I was concerned about him because I knew it was a lot of family secrets being revealed and tons of school problems hitting him all at once, but he wouldn’t talk to me about it. A few months later, he revealed what happened during that time and it shattered my trust. No, he didn’t sleep with her, but the thought that there was something he couldn’t talk to me about really hurt my feelings. The reality that he could be with some chick and her family and didn’t feel the need to talk to me about it until months later just didn’t sit right in my spirit. I could never seem to get that trust back. I just didn’t understand why he just couldn’t be open, honest, and transparent at the time. But he wasn’t so it made me second guess everything and I just couldn’t live like that. But I tried…for another year.
But now it was December 2012 and I was entering “The Year of the 30” which triggered a lot of life reflections. I prayed and fasted about the relationship and the overall direction of my life. Work was ok and life in Little Rock, Arkansas just wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I still really didn’t have any friends, nor did I do much of anything outside of home, work, and back home. Seriously, I just didn’t feel “at home” in Arkansas. I was at mom’s house in GA for the Holidays sleeping in my childhood bedroom. I remember it as clear as if it was last night. I woke up in the middle of the night in tears…and recalled everything that I had just dreamed…
–Stassi Nicole

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