Anyone who knows me knows that I’m often brutally honest with myself about myself, and try to use that as a way of keeping others from making the same mistakes that I have in my 35 years of life. On Facebook the other day, I ran across this post from Steven Furtick, Pastor of Elevation Church:
“Are you frustrated? Disappointed? Maybe you’re frustrated because you are trying to produce something that isn’t your destiny. Or maybe you’re disappointed because you are trying to use tools that God didn’t authorize you to use. You will never have any peace if you are trying to produce something God never planted in you.
I’m becoming less self conscious these days about the things I can’t do. I’m realizing that all I have to do fulfill my purpose is to produce what is already planted in me. I don’t have to be someone I’m not. I don’t have to feel bad about something I cannot do. God doesn’t reach for anything in my life that He didn’t plant in my heart and my spirit.”
Comparisons are so dangerous. I know that they are, but some part of me is still so broken that my mind does it even when I don’t want to. I hate this struggle. I look at people who have what I think I should have, ability-wise, and I immediately begin the process of putting myself down. Whenever I see someone doing something that I KNOW I can do, albiet in a different but equally effective way, the process of putting myself down begins again.
If you were good enough, you’d have the same opportunities to shine that this person had, or this person. But the fact that you don’t, means that you are severely lacking, and have nothing to offer.
This can’t be true. God makes no trash, and I know what His word says about me. The disconnect is often that it fails to translate into how I see myself in times like this. This quote, to me, simply means that all of my frustration with my life is rooted in me trying to be like others to achieve results that I think equal the success God wants for my life. In reality, that is the dumbest logic I have ever heard, and if my students gave me that in the classroom, I would ball it up, toss it in the trash, and go on a diatribe about how they are better than that kind of thinking.
Why not apply it to myself. I mean really apply it. Live it. Accept that i am different and try to be the best me that I can be. I don’t even know what I’m good at that is value added in my church, school, etc. It’s time to really invest in finding out.
I just get so frustrated and disappointed in my seeming inability to achieve that I really want. But the question becomes, is what I want to achieve what God really wants me to achieve? What DOES God really want me to achieve? How does he want me to do it? What has HE put inside of me to make it happen? I’ve really got to know.
This is my mission, if I choose to accept it.
“God doesn’t reach for anything in my life that He did not plant in my heart.”