“God bless and keep you Sis. Johnson. Brother Bill was a fine man and we all will miss here but God is who we all must look to now for comfort and support. Bless you sister.”
“Thank you Pastor. Thank you.”
Charles closes the limousine door.
“Mrs. Johnson. Do you need me to stop anywhere on the way home?”
“Thank you. No. I just want to go home Charles.’
“Yes Mrs. Johnson.”
This ride home from the cemetery feels like it’s taking forever. At least it’s quiet now. Nobody screaming or crying themselves into convulsions. I thought Sara was going to die right there in the church. The nerve of that woman. She didn’t even come to see Bill until his last day alive. I know that she’ll miss her brother but . . . he was MY husband. MY HUSBAND! I didn’t behave like some wild woman. A woman should show dignity, especially at funerals. Falling apart in front of everyone. Appalling. Her pathetic performance in the church was just ridiculous. Oh great! A train’s coming. I am so ready to get out of this car. It’s too depressing. I told Bill I never wanted to ride in a funeral car. I can’t believe that he made me promise to ride in one. It was unfair to make me promise to do something I told him I did not agree with. My Honda would have gotten me to the church just fine. Making me promise. He had nerve using his dying to make me agree. A guilt trip. That’s what that was. A guilt trip! I can hear him now, ‘the proper thing would be to ride in the funeral car.’ Who cares what anybody else thinks? I’M THE GRIEVING WIDOW! I should be able to do whatever I want to do! Will this train never end? This car smells like the inside of a plastic trash bag first opened. I’ve got to get out of this car. Finally, the caboose. I wish Charles would drive faster. I can’t wait to get out of this mobile coffin. There’s the house. Home. Lord! Look at all these people in my yard. I just want to be alone. Don’t they know that I just lost my husband? Why can’t people be more considerate of a grieving widows’ feelings? The nerve of these people. I wish that they would . . .
I am truly sorry for your loss. Mr. Bill was a great man and will be sorely missed. A fine man to be sure. I’m not surprised that he died while helping someone else. He was always thinking of the well being of others. Well. . . just let me know if you need anything else Mrs. Johnson. I’ll help you step out. Mrs. Johnson? Mrs. Johnson?”
“Oh. Ah. Thank you Charles and thank you for your kind words. Bill was a fine man and he did put others before himself.”
Walking to the house, people press toward me.
“Barbara, we are so sorry for your loss.”
“Mrs. Johnson, let us know if you need anything.”
“Barb, Sal and I will be available for anything you might need. Anything at all.”
Here I am thinking about myself when to the very end of his life, Bill was thinking of others. I feel so ashamed. I can only hope that Bill will forgive me.”
“Thank you everyone for being here for me and my family. Please . . come inside.”