Saturday Short Stories

A Travelin’ Woman
Oh where do I begin today. I started off trying to make a flight to DC for my job and this has become one of the most entertaining airport adventures I’ve ever had! All of you who have had the distinct privilege of living in the heartland understand the insanity forced upon us whenever we wish to travel by air, yes, I’m talking about “connecting flights”. Well, today I got caught for the first time in 10 years…I missed my check in time by 2 minutes.

Why didn’t I check in from home? All I can say is that I didn’t feel well yesterday and it honestly didn’t occur to me to do that from home. I was doing well to pack a bag and get my tail to the airport.

So I get to the terminal and all the check in lanes are full. Had I been at full functioning capacity it would have occurred to me to check in from my iPhone but you know what, I think I deserve a pass for missing that since it was before 6am on a Sunday morning… However, I did make it to the check in and hit confirm only to get the dreaded message, “you’re a loser cause you missed check in, go to the gate attendant!”. I cleared security, no problem and got to watch as my plane pulled off and taxied away. Then they put me on the infamous “Standby List”. This is the list you secretly snicker at when you have a confirmed ticket, now I’m the one getting snickered at. First opportunity,denied! Second opportunity, the big D. Third opportunity there were two empty first class seats but due to some asinine rule, I couldn’t purchase the upgrade because I didn’t have a confirmed seat on the flight. Someone with a confirmed seat had to volunteer to buy and upgrade for me to be placed on the flight (blink blink). Trust me, it doesn’t matter how many times you read that line or say it out loud, it STILL doesn’t make sense. That brings us to the 2:10 opportunity.

Y’all they wheeled this plane in to Little Rock on it’s last leg. The bathroom thing is having mechanical problems, they keep trying to reboot it and the bathroom is broken. So, I can’t even be mad that the man I now fondly think of as Carl Lewis ran his behind off to take the seat I was about to have on this flight and guess what, they are all still sitting on that plane waiting to be cleared to take off and it’s almost 3pm.

My next opportunity is at 3:50pm. Wonder what other shenanigans are in store for me, I’m wide awake now!

(cue tv show jingle) There’s no business like travel business like no business I know…
So I’m sitting on a plane in the dreaded middle seat minding my own business when I discover that I’m riding next to the 17th wonder of the world. My plane buddy made sounds I’ve never heard before as he slept thru our 2 1/2 hour long flight. We seriously became concerned at one point because we weren’t sure he was really breathing. And if that wasn’t challenging enough, at several points during the flight he somehow managed to flap his arms. While he never actually hit anyone, he did let us all know his deodorant couldn’t stand up to this heat. All five of the people on our row were trying to figure out how to tie his arms down without getting arrested…maybe we should have asked for oxygen masks…

I’m not trying to be cruel, I’m just telling the truth. Travelers should really be considerate of others on planes. Maybe flight attendants should have emergency deodorant on hand just in case 🙂

The Cost of Living
Who needs a giggle? Okay so I’m walking through the grocery store after church and come down to one of my last items, cereal. As I walked down the isle and I became quite distraught. When did it become okay to charge $4.32 for a standard sized box of cereal? I’m not talking about the super health nut stuff either. I mean the good ole sugary stuff that’ll kill you with a smile?!?! Yes, I pitched a small fit in the aisle (T as my witness) and I KNOW the sales guy who witnessed it was probably a little frightened (he was young). I was so disgusted, I grabbed a plain box of Kroger brand corn flakes for $1.58, marched back to the produce section and bought some strawberries, cause it was cheaper that way.
So I’m at the Farmers’ Market today all excited to get my fresh produce and whatnot, right?  Well, I’m having a delightful time until I step up to one particular stand.  The vendor was on his iPhone when I walked up so I stood there for a few seconds waiting for him to see me and come over to assist me.  Mind you, there was no one else around me at this time.  Dude stays on his iPhone.  So, I was like, well maybe I should ask him a question and then he’ll engage me.  So I asked him how much?  He tells me and goes back to his iPhone.  Y’all, I’ve got two huge bags of produce on my arms so it’s obvious that I’m not broke.  So I’m standing there thinking, is this dude is just rude but I really want to get this item so I speak up and say, “Okay I’ll take one of these.”  He puts down the iPhone long enough to take my money, bag my item and then as I’m walking away a man walks up behind me and this vendor steps away from me and starts engaging this new guy like, “Hi Sir, how may I help you?” all enthusiastic.  Y’all I was pissed.  Like I was ready to have one of “those” moments right there in the Market.  Thankfully, I was able to restrain myself and walked on to another stand where the entire crew was very kind to me and I dropped a nice chunk of change with them.  One of the brothers even paid me a high compliment which is always nice to experience in this time when other folks can’t help but write articles about how unattractive I’m supposed to be.  (rolling eyes)  Anywho, won’t be returning to that bum of a vendor anytime ever again.  His stand has lost my business permanently!  Ugh!

Oh yeah, and for all of my Farmers’ Market folks who understand the importance of quality customer service, I thank you for all that you do and I’ll see y’all next week cash in hand! 🙂

~ Marta C. Youngblood

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