TheWRITEaddiction.com

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Gen 2:25

This scripture rocks my world (sometimes, not in a good way) every time I read it.

Naked and unashamed? For so long, I didn’t believe I could be both at the same time. Perhaps it was my relationship to the church that made the thought of being naked shameful.

I grew up in a place where Christian modesty was never discussed, but it was always assumed. For years, and even sometimes now, I wore skirts and dresses down to my ankles. As an adult, I bought my first pair of shorts at age thirty. No one ever made me dress that way. It was just how I felt comfortable. For context, my mother finds every excuse not to come into a church sanctuary wearing pants. So perhaps, this was learned behavior.

But I don’t want to blame the church for my internal shame. My body was always less than I wanted. I was never the right height, always too skinny, bruised and burnt from head to toe. My skin was either too light or too dark to be pretty and my hair appeared to have a mind of its own.I hated taking pictures, wore clothes over my swimsuits, and I honestly cried whenever anybody looked at me too long. (My older brother exploited this weakness every chance he got.)

I am familiar with shame.

So imagine, me in college, reading this passage while contemplating marriage.

Being completely naked outside of the shower was an idea was an idea I could barely wrap my head around. And I was supposed to be naked in front of another person? No thank you very much!

My husband loved me through my awkwardness. We laughed together at the stories of my various bruises. He even tried to tame my mane. He told me I was beautiful when I was at my absolute worst. He held me when I felt unlovable and he slowly but surely chipped away at the armor in which I had encased myself.

With his help, I’m embracing the beauty that is my nakedness, and releasing the shame I’ve hidden behind my entire life.

But don’t expect me to visit a nude beach anytime soon. Maybe someday, I’ll convince myself to put on a two piece bathing suit. One barefoot step at a time.

Mama Radford