In my previous bloggings I have expressed a desire to conceive a child and the pride I take in helping rear my young nephew in the world. I also expressed the concern that biological children may not be in the cards. Today, as I am plotting out time with the love of my life I am contemplating all of the great things to celebrate about not having children. This is not to offend any parents but a bit of light hearted fun. Feel free to add to my meanderings. I know everyone has one.
1. I get to go to the bathroom by myself and spend as much time in the shower as my conscience will allow.
2. It still takes me 15 minutes to get ready to go anywhere I want to go.
3. Eating out is a lot more affordable and a lot less messy.
4. My language is a lot more colorful when I’m angry without impressionable eyes looking up at me.
5. I have time to write a blog about the joys of being childless in the still quiet of my office.
6. In a zombie apocalypse I’m not expected to sacrifice my life for anyone else.
7. I have nice furniture and walls without fingerprints.
8. Vacations are a real and tangible concept.
9. Dark spots and crust stains found in random places on person or in living space are not common nor risk the possibility of containing bodily fluid.
10. Time with your significant other is not in hushed tones and limited to 30 minute bursts just before sleep,
11. Sleep is not a fairytale and “sleeping in” means more than a three hour power nap.
12. All plans are not dependent on finding a last minute baby sitter.
13. You are not constantly scanning every room/situation like a cyborg for potential dangers including but not limited to: strangers, sharp objects, valuables, objects that easily fit in an orifice(s), fall risks, electrical sockets, and embarrassing situations.
14. No parent/teacher conferences.
15. No buying school supplies, school clothes, cars, car insurance, additional cellphones by a state determined deadline.
16. You have a name and it is not Mommy, Daddy, parental unit, etc.
17. You can enjoy a book with more words than pictures and watch a more riveting show than “Doc McStuffins” or “Bubble Guppies”.
18. I can still take a day off from being a responsible adult and do something without explanation without fear of receiving a call/visit from DCF( insert varying state child protection agencies).
Yes, I can’t wait to give up those pesky nuances of my life!