TheWRITEaddiction.com

In an effort to recover my pre-pregnancy body, I have submitted to the 12-step recovery process.  Last week I started the first 6 steps:

1. I am powerless over granulated sugar, gravity, and genetics.
2. Something outside of myself can restore me to a perfect size 6, namely a miracle, a few marathons, and miniscule meals.
3. I Decided to give Jesus, exercise, and diet, a try.
4. Searched myself and my cabinets and found that I have way too much peanut butter, and way too many dresses that I can no longer fit.  Those two facts are related.
5. Admitted to God and myself that getting fatter is my own fault.
6. Ready to ask God to remove the problem (which I just admitted is me), so I’m not sure I did that right.

So here we are at step 7, and the exact same weight that I was last week this time.  I did not buy the pie this weekend (and it really was on sale) so I think I’m making progress, though pretty sure that the zipper on my bridesmaid dress still won’t budge.

7. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus,

I really like pie, and peanut butter, and especially peanut butter pie.  I’m coming to you now, pleading that for the next 6 weeks, you give me the strength to fight the temptations that will come my way.  Keep me from overindulging in the cake and ice cream I’m bound to serve at the birthday parties. I know it is in your power to strike dessert from the face of the earth, but I dare not ask you for that.  I’m just asking that you give me the wherewithal to run away from all things fattening.  (I mean literally run away.  I need to burn as many calories as possible to fit into this dress.) Thank you for all you do.  Amen.

8.  List the persons you’ve harmed.

Ernie Radford: Sorry for every time you’ve finished eating and had to wait on me to go through the buffet line two more times.  Sorry for every time I ate too much and then begged you to rub my tummy.  And I’m sorry about that time you had to carry me to the car because I ate so much I couldn’t walk.

Gabrielle Radford:  I’m sorry I made you gain weight.  I should have known that  magnificent metabolism of your youth wouldn’t last forever…Oh and I’m super sorry about making you publicly apologize to your husband.  You’ll never live that one down.

9.  Make amends:

ER: I’m not carrying you on my back, homie.  But any time I need to rub your tummy, you let me know.

GR:  I see a new dress and a hair appointment in your future.

10: Self monitor.  I’m wearing my fit bit, and I even broke a sweat yesterday.  Not only did I not buy the aforementioned pie, but I haven’t had any dessert at all this week.   I did buy the Vienna Fingers, but come on, man.  They were on sale for $1.85.  You know how much those things normally cost?  Ok, no cookies for me tonight.

11: PRAYER AND MEDITATION

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus:

It’s me again.  Help me not to eat those cookies tonight, and to at least do the 4 minute abs.   In your name I pray.

12. Carry the message.  Ok, so listen 20-somethings, start exercising now.  Eat more vegetables than you do desserts.  For those of you, like me, who wait until after babies to worry about your belly, don’t worry.  It’s never too late… I don’t recommend waiting until weeks before your sister’s wedding though.

Thank you all for being a part of my recovery.

Mama Radford

This is a continuation of last week’s blog.  The assignment was write about the 12 step program.  I adapted them to my current situation.  I am not making light of the steps, or those who struggle with addiction.  Just having a little fun at my own expense.

GER