TheWRITEaddiction.com

I have a lot of first-hand knowledge with the 12 step programs, so it’s hard for me not to give a fairly intimate first person account of my experience, strength, and hope.

 

Since 1999, I have been in and out of the doors of a variety of treatment programs for substance abuse.

 

Early on, this was a shock to many people close to me. And I was far from ready to begin my path of growth, recovery if you will… but all those early exposures were extremely valuable , so I urge you to not ever give up if you think people are failing with treatment attempts, it plants seeds they’ll use later in their journey when the timing is finally right.

 

As a boy and young man I stood out by not standing out.  Smart and capable, social and active. A kind and soft spoken one who followed all the rules, until I was finally old enough to begin to rebel.

Out  on my own during the college years I begin to feel, process, and ultimately numb the pain and emotion I had kept so deep inside for many years.

 

My process was one that needed a long time to take root, in terms of recovery.  Like many smart, but emotionally lost boys, we found excess of alcohol and drugs as a way to fit in, to become that confident and outspoken person we were far from believing we were on the inside.

 

You see it’s low self-esteem, it’s childhood trauma, it’s anxieties, it’s a variety of reasons that lead us to find ways to escape, but more important than that to me… is the beautiful thing that happens when one is finally ready to take that first step.

 

The 12 steps to me are really a deeply divine set of directions that lead one to true enlightenment.

 

The word ”alcohol”  or ”drugs” or ”sex” or ”food”  can really be any person, place, or thing that is causing some type of destruction to our life.

 

Let me be clear, the steps are NOT MEANT TO GET SOMEONE CLEAN OR SOBER. That happens in detox, or drug rehab/ treatment.  Recovery is about spiritual growth. It’s hard inner work that not  many are fortunate to ”have to do” so they don’t do it.

 

Let me write out the steps and give you a little info along the way.

 

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

Essentially in the first step you are admitting you are powerless over a person, place, or thing.

It’s most commonly thought to be alcohol or drugs, but it’s used in over 200 ways and can be even more. Whatever it is, we need to recognize our life is a mess.  This is the first step.

For me personally, the destruction is easier to see. It can be loss of friends, family, money mismanaged, arrests, etc.  But usually it’s this unmanageability that causes us to seek help. It’s where we truly begin.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Ego is the great destroyer and working the steps with a sponsor/ mentor /guide is an important part of this.

That is their role.  So with ego running so rampant with the addictive mind, it’s critical to believe that SOMETHING, ANYTHING, can “restore us to sanity.” My experience says it can be an organization of support, a person, or God.

It is just  important that “belief” is there.  Each step for me has been weeks, if not months of time put in. You work out of workbooks, you call your sponsor often, and you go deep if you want the growth.   The deeper we go, the deeper we grow.  (for all of us)

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

This one is a big one. Often pushed through too fast, to truly turn our will over is not a simple task. Many people struggling with drugs and alcohol have lost their faith in everything.  So God is a word many get stumbled up on.   The beauty of the founders intention with these steps,  and the way this program of action was constructed was to keep it very open to the individuals interpretation of what God, or the creator of this universe, is to them.

Step 3 may be the most important to get going in the next stages.  Without turning over our will, the will that has run many of us into the ground, to the care of a higher power, we can’t move on.

The last time I worked through this step with the best mentor of my life it took 6 hours to present the information and get questioned on my answers, and 3 months to prepare.  A good guide is there to call you on your shit in a loving and supportive way. You find someone who “has what you want” in terms of spiritual recovery, their essence, energy, life itself… and they are there to show you the path  if you want it. But the work is all put in by the individual.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Ah, the step that turns most people back. 1, 2, 3 and relapse. This is a mantra you hear in many treatment centers.

Doing a 4^th step inventory with a guide is not for the faint of heart.  We believe, that like in all mystery schools, all divine orders, one must have a deep psychological understanding of his inner workings in order to recover.  Bill Wilson grew quite close to Carl Jung when developing these stages and even spent months at a time with him in Europe staying with him in the 1920’s.  A good 4^th step will take you back to childhood to examine every person, place and thing you resented, feared, or harmed.  You look at what it was, what part of your psyche it effected so that you can no longer blame the person or situation, but own the part of yourself that CAN BE CHANGED.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

This is not a confession.  There are churches for that. This is a long and deep and trusting process of sharing the 4^th step they’ve helped you with by answering any questions along the way, and then presenting it means setting aside a day and having a back and forth session that will show you more compassion, understanding, than you’ve ever seen before.  And ultimately help you see where these deep deficits of character lie, AND where the strengths begin to be seen. (so they can be developed again)

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Once you know what stone needs removed to show the true piece of art below, that is where step 6 and 7 come in.  “Rid yourself of inessentials” – Bruce Lee

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Another step to keep chiseling away at what impurities of the mind exist and patterns of behaviour that have built up over the years.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

This is known to be the next level of evolution to our consciousness by doing something no human on the planet wants to humble themselves to do.

You must go back into your life and think of  every person you have harmed, offended, or taken from in any immoral or wrong way and set out with guidance from another to seek to amend that wrong. This list is very important and a crucial step to a liberated self.

 

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

This isn’t saying you are sorry, It is literally “making a wrong right” on the terms of the person or organization you are making amends to.  This is a powerful, and scary step.  Many people have done horrible things under the influence and chemical cloud that addiction brings.  And most I know have such sensitive souls, they end up numbing more and more to avoid feeling the pain of what they have caused previously to  others along the way.  This is what makes it so hard to fully step out and face it with no buffer, no  chemical cushion if you will.

Once you get through the first few in step 9, your entire being will change. You stand taller, you look deeper into the eyes of everyone you meet and suddenly liberation isn’t just a concept, but a feeling you will begin to recognize.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

My god do  I love step 10. Done well, it’s a daily action that you take after clearing off a lifetime of debris, now your only job is to keep your daily misdoings in check.  Snap off to someone at work?  Let your wife feel the brunt of pressure you were under for a project late? Making those wrongs right at the end of each day is vital to keep your light growing,  To keep recovering spiritually on this amazing path of enlightenment.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Prayer and meditation is a vital part of our recovery.  Both are practices that take effort in the beginning, but are where we deepen our connection with the universe, our Creator, fellow man, and ultimately continue to “know thyself” more and more as that discipline evolves.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

 

And finally, we cannot keep what you are not willing to give away. Simply staying clean and sober, and even working all 12 steps is not enough. You must carry the message to others. Service is one of the 3 things our fellowship stands upon.  Being a guide to others becomes the way to keep growing yourself, you then work the steps again by guiding others, you become available to them, and give what was given to you.

 

Recovery is not a process to get clean, that is what rehabs and detox centers do, it’s a path to enlightenment that leads to the deepest level of gratitude and humility I have ever known, or seen in others.

In Part 2 I will give reasons why I’ve had issues with 12 step programs, and why my own mind has gotten in the way of recovery for so many years.

If you have questions, I am open for answers. If you know anyone that needs help, I’ll take a call at any time, any place.  It’s what was given to me.

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