TheWRITEaddiction.com

This week’s topic might be a little risqué for some of you, but we’re talking about SEX!  I’m focusing my thoughts on sex between married couples so all others can read at your own risk.  Sex is a wonderful gift created by God to be shared by two people in a married relationship. He gives us permission to explore and enjoy each other’s bodies.  It’s part of His divine design.  So what’s the problem?

It seems like we try so hard to keep our hands and everything else off of each other when we’re dating but once we get married, the passion begins to dwindle.  What happened in the course of just a few weeks or months?  What happened to the uncontrollable urges to grab their backside or hold hands in public or sit almost on top of them in a restaurant?  What happened to the “I’m missing you like crazy” and it’s only been 5 minutes?  What happened to the endless conversations or “sexsations” we used to have from sun up to sun down?  What happened to blushing and getting hot just from looking at them?  What happened to hanging out in the park and just looking at each other resisting the temptation to fully undress and give everyone an eyeful?

Well, three kids later, with a busy career and never ending mommy and wife jobs, I kind-of see how sex becomes replaced with quick, lifeless hugs, short conversations about the bills, planned schedules which don’t include dates, a once a month half-hearted love making session.  Before we know it, we’ve settled into a casual rhythm of if we have sex today that’s great, but if not, I’m okay with that too.

Sex has to become a priority for a married couple.  Nothing can replace those intimate moments where you and your spouse are literally one flesh and nothing can get between you.  Nothing can replace those experiences where nothing else in the world matters because the person who means the most to you is holding you.  Nothing replaces those lazy Saturday mornings when you wake up to the love of your life and bad breath and all, you can let yourselves go because there is an unshakable trust and desire for one another.

So this may seem like it’s impossible to have this once the demands of marriage, kids and career come, but this kind of relationship WITH sex is possible.  It just takes hard work, careful planning, prioritizing and remembering why you married the person you did. For starters, see the good in your spouse.  Don’t criticize every shortcoming or he/she will be much less willing to cuddle and be intimate.  Make the effort to plan a nice date night.  Fix yourself up just like you did when you were dating.  Hire a babysitter and do something adventurous.  Don’t be afraid to keep the flames burning by trying new sex positions, pleasuring your spouse by doing something THEY like and making time to make passionate love.  Just as we work at getting better on our job, exercising so our body is healthy, we have to work at having an “out of this world” sex life with our spouse.  So, go for it!  Start tonight.  Experiment. Change things up.  See how much healthier and exciting your marriage becomes!

*For more ideas on how to rekindle the sex flames, read Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Kevin Leman.

~Coletta Jones Patterson