TheWRITEaddiction.com

Sex versus gender and the messages we tell our kids.

Sex: biological identification of male or female as determined by sexual organs.
Gender: social identification of male or female based on self identification or societal assignment.

I write this post as I take a break from crocheting some bows for a friend’s daughter. If you knew me growing up you would be shocked by that statement. You see I have spent most of my life “fighting” against the societal construct of what it means to be female. My mother equated being female with the color pink; pink room, big earrings, longish hair and pretty nails. I am the third of four kids and the only female. As such my mom smothered me into what she considered to be “female” appropriate things. Her insistence was the cause of a lot of strife for most of my childhood and adolescence. As a young child I identified as a tomboy. I played sports, liked having short hair and yet had dolls and liked playing dress up on occasion. I was annoyed by my mom’s perspective on female gender. Despite her views on how I should dress and look like she never taught me how to cook, how to sew, or how to crochet (not to say these are female pursuits but I am sure there plenty of people out there that would see them as such). My mother did not know how to braid hair. My mother’s view on what it meant to be gem in was focused on appearance and being “ladylike”. Despite my annoyance with the genderization of appearance and hobbies I taught myself how to cook ( I love to eat), how to sew and use a sewing machine, how to braid my own hair, and how to crochet as an adult (one of my good friend taught be the basics).

Because of the manner in which I was raised I have always been conscience of baby clothes, children’s clothing and toys and the attitudes towards character traits and the manner in which they are genderized. I don’t wish upon my son the pressures of being made to conform one’s appearance to what society seems masculine. I want him to choice for himself what he feels comfortable wearing, once he is old enough to express his choice. In the meantime I try to buy him gender neutral clothing. I will try to buy him toys that he wants (hopefully toys and cars or whatever is considered male and female toys nowadays). I hope he learns that sex and gender are not the same. I hope he does not resent being male like I resented being female.